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Posts Tagged ‘the crusty curmudgeon’

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“Killer” Squirrel Traps Couple in House

By EliKen on Sunday, May 13th, 2012 | No Comments

Here in the animal-loving offices of The Curmudgeon, we have a great respect for other creatures. One notable exception is the common tree squirrel. Oh sure, they’re cute and fuzzy as they prance across your lawn and into the tree, to the branch, to the electric line, to the roof of your house, and then [...]

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Ugly Egypt Official Calls Beyonce Stupid

By EliKen on Sunday, May 13th, 2012 | No Comments

Here in The Curmudgeon office, I sit in my office, sphinx-like, surveying not only the crack staff, but injustices, cruelty, ignorance and bone-headed behavior around the world. When I call my employees the “crack staff,’ I mean I think they are on crack, but that is neither here nor there. No, I wish to speak [...]

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The Simpsons Set a New Record As Gays Say D’oh!

By EliKen on Friday, May 11th, 2012 | No Comments

Here in the satirical but not derisive offices of The Curmudgeon, I am tickled orange at the new Simpsons milestone. Woo-hoo! By getting renewed by Fox for another 2 seasons, The Simpsons will surpass Gunsmoke as TV’s longest running prime-time drama. Gunsmoke, with their 20 year run, ended in 1975 and has held the record [...]

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Stewardess Takes Baby From Slapping Mother

By EliKen on Friday, May 11th, 2012 | No Comments

Here in the childless offices of The Crusty Curmudgeon, we have mixed opinions on administering corporal punishment to children. Should kids get spanked? Or should they not? As for myself, I occasionally got “spanked,” or a “got a whuppin,” as we called it, but shoot, ole Crusty’s momma used to chase him around with a [...]

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Man Calls 911 After Hooker Doesn’t Deliver

By EliKen on Thursday, May 10th, 2012 | No Comments

Here in the health conscious offices of The Curmudgeon, we may partake in healthy eating practices, but we are not above a couple of Big Bufords from Rally’s or a bag of sliders—and plenty of ‘em—so it’s not odd to consider that a fellow may have met a woman in a White Castle. What is [...]

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Man Has Garage Sale But It’s Not His Garage

By EliKen on Thursday, May 10th, 2012 | No Comments

Here in the bargain-hunting offices of The Curmudgeon, we are fond of getting a good deal whether it’s at a Flea Market, Consignment shop, Goodwill, or Garage Sale. Anywhere really, as long as it’s a great item and the price is right. One such sale occurred recently where the prices were more than right. They [...]

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Car Thieves Call 911 On Themselves

By EliKen on Wednesday, May 9th, 2012 | No Comments

Here in the expensively-adorned, thief-worthy offices of The Curmudgeon, we are no strangers to boneheaded burglary attempts. There was the “Spongebob incident,” where a man posing as a singing telegram attempted to smuggle several large paintings out stuffed under his shirt while he sang, “I Shot the Sherrif.” He looked like Spongebob. But this one [...]

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Stupid Criminals Rob Gas Station Then Run Out Of Gas

By EliKen on Tuesday, May 8th, 2012 | 2 Comments

Here in the Curmudgeon offices, we have good days and bad days. This is true of everybody, everywhere, pretty much, and as is often the case, the littlest thing can come along and perk us right up. Lift our spirits. Put a smile on our faces. Stop and smell the roses. Walk on the sunny [...]

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Canada Tells Citizens No Free Lobsters

By EliKen on Tuesday, May 8th, 2012 | No Comments

Here in the spic and span offices of The Curmudgeon, we write about people who are “washed up,” “washed out,” and “washed over,” but never have we written about Lobsters that have been washed ashore. That’s right. Free lobster. It happened in St. John, New Brunswick, in a small seaside Canadian town. A storm in [...]

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Man Digs Out of Prison Cell with Backhoe

By EliKen on Monday, May 7th, 2012 | No Comments

A 40 year-old inmate at Mississippi State Prison secretly dug his way out of his cell using an 8-ton Cat backhoe, prison officials said Tuesday. The inmate, Roscoe Lee James Obidiah “Bucky” Robinson is thought to have tunneled his way out slowly over a period of 10 years. The escape was discovered by prison officials [...]

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